There is much to say on managing children’s stress and anxiety levels in the lead-up to testing and admissions periods, with resources and articles focusing on the ways in which parents and guardians can approach test preparation in a holistic and responsible way. However, we know that as loving and conscientious parents, you can feel the impact of this anxious time on your own mental health and well-being.
ISEB partnered with Dr Kathy Weston, founder of Tooled Up Education, to produce the Parent Power Toolkit, four sets of resources designed to help parents support their child’s performance and well-being before, during, and after a test. These tips from Part 3: Approaching Test Preparation in the Right Way focus on dealing with parental anxiety in simple, effective ways.
Bonus: Download the A, B, C resource from the Parent Power Toolkit. This evidence-based activity can help parents and children manage their worries by planning ahead.
Parents are very influential. How we act, speak to ourselves and manage situations is often observed and absorbed by our children and reflected in their own behaviour. During test season, it is important to ensure parents look after their own well-being as much as their children’s.
If you do experience anxiety during test season, it can be helpful to try and identify your worries, and work out what small, actionable steps you can take to reduce them. Spend time talking it through with another adult, and embrace support from family or friends. Remember that you are not alone in this process.
It is also important to practice self-care and find out what helps you relax. This will vary from family to family; whether you enjoy going for walks outside, meeting up with friends, being creative or practising a hobby, working out what helps you to recharge will reduce your anxiety. When you are calm and happy, your behaviour will help your child feel calmer too.
Children can easily pick up on their parent’s emotional state. If we look very stressed or speak about an upcoming test in a way that amplifies its importance, this can increase pressure and stress on the child, which could impact their performance during the exam. In Dr Kathy’s words, “our mission is to alleviate stress”.
One helpful way to manage our tone, gestures and body language is to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness, like most things, will not look the same for everyone. For busy parents and families, mindfulness can mean sticking to a routine to prepare for the next day, taking deep breaths in moments of stress, or taking active steps to be present in the current moment. Perhaps when you are playing with your children, cooking dinner or walking outside, you can start by noticing five things you can see, hear, touch, taste and smell, which can help you focus on where you are in the present.
Coaching, rather than overly soothing your child, is an evidence-based approach to reducing their—and your—anxiety. If your child comes to you with any worries, you can optimally support them by taking a calm, curious and interested stance and helping them puzzle out their worries. The aim is to collaborate with your child, get them to see that their thoughts are making them anxious, and that together, perhaps you can think through those knots in their thinking and proactively create some solutions.
Coaching is about supporting a child to consider little things that can reduce worries. Soothing or overly reassuring is nice, but it is not as effective in reducing anxiety. Staying calm, and listening actively and constructively will give your children a much better chance of managing their worries well.
Explore Part 3 of the Parent Power Toolkit for more evidence-led videos, activities and articles on supporting your well-being, and your child’s test preparation.
We appreciate that tests can be nerve-wracking for parents and children, so we encourage you to reach out to us with any questions. Our customer service team will contact you promptly and support you in the best way possible.
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